Lately, well actually for a bit of time I have been feeling a wee bit off balance. I believe that it is due to a combination of things. I worry about my future sometimes. Scratch that all the time. I work really really hard to ensure as much stability is in my life as possible and I do this knowing that there are few things I can control in this life.
School and work last semester were challenging daily activities however, I am so proud that I put my foot down and decided to take control over my life. I can honestly say I was not as anxious as last year juggling school and work. This is due to a shorter commute, an intentional positive outlook and setting my goals on a daily basis. This has kept me afloat. But now. I need something different.
When I think about butterflies or even roaches for that matter, I wonder about their spirits. These insects go through metamorphosis that is both excruciating and energy draining. They come out better than before when it is all said and done. This spirt to endure despite whatever comes up and shows up in life. I desire this spirit. Quite frankly, I embody and live out this spirit but I need to change my focus.
I. Get. Caught. Up.
In the really unnecessary things. Why? Because I am a layered complex human who simply loves connections.
For quite some time I have been isolated by a mixture of choice and "it is what it is". It is a strange space to negotiate and navigate when your closest friends and family are strangers. It is a stagnant space. That takes up too much. So I decided to change the permission and access status on things. I am no longer going to allow myself to worry about who is showing up for me and who I can run to. This message I am sending the universe, "Friends and family do not care enough" , "People are jealous and I do not know why" ,"Evil eye" I know that this is not fruitful even if it is true.
Speaking of the Evil Eye,*a memory*
For years I have received messages from mediums, mentors and healers, the basis being watch what is around me. The people who smile in your face are questioning and having polarizing energy behind your back. For years I never understood what that meant. I received this message to heed people who outrightly not here for me. As I mature and go through life, I understand better what this means. People who you love and use to have great relationships with will shift when you break a mold. And that is a fact. Change makes everyone uncomfortable , it is just some people get use to the ride of the current and embrace what will be. My gut intuition is so raw and real that I have severe digestive issues. I'll leave that break down and discussion for another post. I can feel salt. I can feel shift. I can feel a breeze. I am doing amazing things and for all the bad mind and salty people it will never ever stop. I am going to get even gooder. In spite of it all. The evil eye some are purposely and even unconsciously casting on others, just stop. Use your energy for something else!
I am not better than anyone. I am great. Full stop. There is no competition. I don't spend too much time comparing myself because my cloth is different. From the weaving to the fibers. I have been told my energy and disposition is magnetizing. I will attract souls that need healing and people that need something from me. Being a Libra and INFP this means the old Shapel would try to find balance in healing and pleasing. But there is none. My healing, my craft, my creations and mind come first. I've been told to make less announcements, watch my closest friends, and open my eyes to new supports in front of me. FROM THREE DIFFERENT MEDIUMS!!!! I even did a reading on myself...like bruh.
Anyway the Evil eye is real and I am learning to pay attention, grind and protect.
Healers need to heal too. Healers need to heal often.
Back to the scales,
In order to get balanced...
TAKE THE SHIFTY FIGURES OFF THE SCALE.
Relationships are one part of the equation that has to go but the biggest part is cultivating my mindset and striving for authenticity.
Authenticity is not a buzzword for me. It is liberation for me.
There is nothing in this world I want to be more than my true Self. There is no place I want to be more in tune with while navigating this space.
Closer to God. Closer to Earth. Closer to my own Breathing.
Iknow these are things that people spend a whole lifetime and never attain.
I gotta get right with myself. I gotta keep my focus on the things I want to manifest in my life. Recently, and too often I fall into traps of what I lack and whats not right. I am impatient and too critical.Practicing gratitude will bring increase but more importantly it should be an authentic thanks. Regardless of what other people are going through, I need to focus on the good and the things that will serve me mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. My gut always gets the short end of the stick. I really am getting balanced. Placing my feet back on solid ground and reminding myself that there is only one Shapel and she is limitless with a side of BBQ sauce.
Let this serve as a reminder Shapel. Love you guh.